Full name: Eric Ewing
Place of birth:

USA! USA!

Gender: M
Current occupation: -
Mental status: American
Favorite CRD member: Sweet Baby Jesus, whose invisible hand touches us all in very special places that we won't describe here.
Sexual preferences: Sex is filthy and vulgar. Especially with me.
Hobbies: See previous response. I'm also working toward the complete dissolution of all forms of expression in the free world.
Likes: Ice cream and pizza, though not combined in a blender. I like rainy mornings in springtime. I like to type the words "peppermint", "Gunga", "monkey", "meat", and "Tonto".
Loves: My beautiful wife, my puppydog and my kittycats.
Worships: The Self.
Dislikes: Anti-abortion folks;"Guns don't kill people, Right-To-Lifers kill people". Style junkies and glamourpusses.

Person(s) in urgent need of being hit hard with a baseball bat:

-You Europeans are so violent! Maybe watching some American TV shows will calm you down some. I can't imagine hitting anyone with a baseball bat unless they were physically threatening me or someone I care about. That the average European is sitting at home with a list of people they would like to clobber is disturbing, to say the least. In America, at least, we don't just fantasize about clobbering people.

What would you bring to a deserted Iceland?

-Probably my Schottley asynchronous cord filter frame stabilizer.

How would you solve the growing problem with the ordinary citizen's lack of right to participate in the decision-making process in a modern democracy?

-Institute fascism and make them stop whining.

How, where and why does the Universe exist?

-Who cares? Enjoy it while you can.

If you had to choose, would you rather drink a bucket of diarrhoea from a person with a malfunctioning fat-metabolism or be eaten alive by drug-crazed fire ants?

-I would greatly prefer to eat the diseased poop because this choice does not result in my death. By choosing to eat the poop, my options remain open. I can eat the poop and later, should I choose to allow it, be eaten by drug-crazed fire ants. If I am eaten by fire ants first, I cannot eat the poop. We should consider the long-term effects of our decisions.

Which hyped invention of the 20th century do you think will be the most laughed at in the 21st century?

-The Schottley asynchronous cord filter frame stabilizer.

Why on earth would anyone be even the slightest interested in your ridiculous answers to these meaningless questions?

-Because the subliminal messages force them to be interested.

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