This is the last diary-entry you'll see on this webpage - at least for a long time, and if I ever decide to put it on line again, it will definitely look different and have a completely different content!
Maybe you wonder why, and I'll try to explain. When I started with this diary, I looked at it as a way to share my thoughts and feelings with the world, just because I figured that nothing in the world is really PERSONAL. We all have the same problems, it's just that the situations and "actors" might vary. I knew that many people would recognize themselves in what I wrote, and I would learn to be more open and frank about my life and what went on in it.
I perceived it as a diary about MY life and my life only where the people that I mentioned were merely "actors" if you know what I mean. What was happening was happening to me and the people who were part of the stories were the fuel somehow... Without them, there would be no life and no diary. If that makes any sense? I guess I never thought of all the aspects of my writing. What I thought was just general reading turned out to offend people who were close to me, and I never even realized it. But I'm glad that someone had the guts to tell me!
I didn't mention any names or titles of the people that I wrote about, just to spare them from possible embarrassment. So, they became anonymous but it was still pretty intimate, the way it was intended to be. As far as I was concerned, it could have been ANYBODY, so it was still private, if you know what I mean. But apparently I was wrong.
It's a strange world and a strange feeling when you're writing for the whole world by having a website. It feels like it's for me and me only, in a way, but at the same time I knew that some complete stranger in another end of the world would read what I wrote - and maybe feel connected to this "stranger" whose webpage he or she was reading! It didn't really occur to me that people close to me would read the diary! It's naive and stupid to think that only some guy in Australia or whatever would read the diary-entries and not somebody that I actually KNEW. I experiment with things sometimes, feel that what I'm doing is RIGHT for the time being, it's right for ME. I never intentionally meant to hurt anybody with my writing, but as it turns out, somebody didn't like it at all and lost all faith in me. In a way I still can't quite understand why, because nobody's been mentioned by name and has remained anonymous, but I guess it goes deeper than that. And I have to respect that.
This diary is certainly not important enough for me to lose any friends or other people that I care about, and if anyone here has felt bad about being part of my life-story, I hereby apologize. Nobody's actually told me that they read my on line diary, but I recently found out anyway... I can't undo anything, but I can stop it, and that's what I'm doing now before anybody totally turns his or her back on me because they feel that they can't trust me. That's the worst thing that could happen to me, and why would I want to risk it?
Some of you have told me that your favorite part of this site is the diary, and I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm sure you'll understand! :-)
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