I received an e-mail recently, it came from a musician's wife - a musician that I met a few months ago and that I mentioned on this page. What I wrote about him was very short and completely harmless. Or so I thought! Until I got this mail, and it got me so upset that I felt I had to write this.

Ever heard the expression that you know others the way you know yourself? In this case, I think that could be true, OR maybe she just knows her husband a lot better than I do...!!

Cause basically, what she meant was that I was a groupie. And that really, REALLY pissed me off!! After all these years trying to show people that you don't have to be a slut to get in backstage, and that you CAN actually be interested in the MUSIC first and foremost "even" if you're a girl, somebody throws THIS in my face! And what's worse is that, if she had taken the time to read a little more of this page, she would (hopefully) have realized that I really love music, that I'm not running after bands to have sex with them! Some people believe whatever they want to believe and I guess that's fine, but if there are people out there who are interested in the truth, then here it comes;

I remember how incredibly embarrassing it was back in the 80's, when I waited to get in backstage after a show and had to sit there with all these groupies to get in. Nobody asked me who I was or why I was there - they just assumed that I was just like the rest of them. I mean, it doesn't say on my forehead "excuse me, but I happen to really LIKE this band!". I got used to the situation, but I never liked it.

There aren't that many groupies around anymore nowadays, and I'm relieved, but in a way I miss the entertainment! :-) Cause, hey - those chicks weren't exactly brain-surgeons, if you know what I mean... It was quite interesting watching them make complete fools of themselves. I particularly remember one girl who was backstage with Skid Row, and had NO idea who was who or who did what. She asked Rob (Affuso) for his name, and he even had to tell her that he was the drummer... She couldn't care less - as long as he was famous, she was only too happy to f**k him!

And I really resent when somebody even implies that I'm one of THOSE...!!

I can explain my opinion about this a bit more, well, detailed - but you'll probably think I'm weird. What the hell... I'll tell you anyway:

You know by now that I love music. And I don't mean just "like" music as in "I like what I hear on the radio" as most people do. I mean I LOVE music, it's like a religion to me. So, the musicians, the ones who write and perform the music that I love, are kind of...well, sort of "gods" if you like. To me, they are slightly above other people. I don't mean that they are better or smarter or anything like that, but in some ways, I don't want to see them as regular, "normal", everyday people. They are doing something that I respect them for. I'm in awe, well - star struck to a certain level. It depends on who it IS, and I'm not as crazy now as I used to be, cause after all these years, it IS a little hard to drop down dead after you've meet musician # 25 THIS year, you know...

But if I was to sink to a level where I actually had sex with these men, they would change from "gods" to just...regular MEN! ALL men want sex, so suddenly, the guy who was on a life-size poster on my wall when I was a teenager, who I looked up to, would drop down to a normal "regular man"-level! I wouldn't want that. It's just too cheap, too common, it would kill the sense of mystery.

Anybody can perform a sexual act, there's nothing special or fantastic about that - it happens in every home every day all over the world! Big deal. But NOT just anybody can write, play and sing music that touches millions of people, that survives the test of time and that lives on and on - even after the musicians themselves are gone, dead and buried. Mozart, John Lennon, Morrison, Joplin, Elvis...

It's a special feeling to just stand next to an artist whose music you get a huge kick from. Sometimes I don't even know what to SAY - then HOW the hell could I possibly go to BED with that person? That's the BIG difference between me and groupies! They don't know and they don't CARE who the artists are, they would sleep with anybody as long as they're famous rockers. Groupies are free hookers - at least real hookers get paid...!

I've heard about girls who had a big crush on a certain musician and "blinded by love" ended up in bed with their idol. If it's a spontaneous thing, and the girl really feels something for the guy - I'm not going to "diss" her. It could happen at a club, disco or anywhere, with just any regular guy. If she really feels attracted to the guy, then FINE. At least it's not because he's a musician. I've NEVER ever in my entire life done anything like that - it's more of a challenge to get in backstage or have your idols talk to you even if you DON'T offer them something in return for their "inconvenience"! Cause quite frankly, if they don't want me around unless I'm in horizontal position - they can go to hell. At least I'll know that I'm dealing with an a**h*le... So far, that has never happened.

It's interesting though, now that I think about it - mrs X (won't mention any names here...) believes I'm a groupie.... Isn't it funny - cause groupies are always very eager to talk about their conquests, so if I was one of those: WHAT'S STOPPING ME?! I could write about every little nasty, juicy, kinky DETAIL about every single rocker in the metal business and become the most visited site on the web! What is she THINKING?!

Instead, I've been trying to prove to other girls that you CAN actually be "just" a FAN and you CAN actually meet your idols by just TALKING to them. You can have JUST as much fun NOT being a groupie. As a matter of fact, I know one rocker in particular who used to throw out the groupies he had "used" and ban them. After their work was done, they were never to set foot there again. I, on the other hand, was always welcome, and I never even tried to suggest anything "dirty"...! :-)

I mean, I'm not saying that I've never ever been attracted to any musician that I met. David Coverdale is the perfect example of a man who I admire in all possible ways-but I could never, not ever, go to bed with a man like that! First of all, I 'm realistic, how could anybody even think of "having" a guy who's had somebody like TAWNY KITAEN?! I mean, come on, I live in the real world....

Secondly, when I'm standing face to face with him, I get so nervous that I act like a complete idiot. Or at least I feel like I am! Maybe people don't notice it, but I feel like a mute dumbass! But all these factors put together make it absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to even think about anything that has to do with sex! Yeah, I can just imagine. :-)

So - just in case there are OTHERS out there who think that this is a "groupie-site": Sorry to disappoint you. I'm sure there ARE girls out there who have more, errrm, intimate stories to tell, and I'd love to hear them someday, but I'M sure as hell not gonna be the one to do the research! :-)

Keep rockin',